Hospitality can feel an awful lot like suffocation

Chinese people are known for being very generous and accommodating to guests, which involves making sure their guests are well-fed and rested.  Sounds nice, right?  Unfortunately, I really don’t eat that much and I have often found myself in an uncomfortable position when I am full but I don’t want to offend people.  Today I visited my Jiangyou host family.  Before I left my apartment, I had several biscuits with Mary and a student- not a huge breakfast, but sizeable. Upon arrival at the family’s home, they offered me an apple, which I gladly accepted, not having had fruit for breakfast.  The grandma then came home and gave me a fried bread-ish thing that I don’t really know how to describe.  I accepted, a little less enthusiastically.  Then Jerry, the son, gave me a moon cake, which I didn’t really want but it was small so I took it anyway. 

Shortly after we went to lunch and I tried to eat only a little, but I think I had already had too much and my stomach protested. We returned home, and I spent the next few hours uncomfortably full and with indigestion.  Later, the grandma offered me some more fruit, and tried telling her no at least twice, and then finally took it just to appease her, but placed it on the table. As the afternoon went on, she started preparing dinner but I was still painfully full, and I knew that if I stayed they would pressure me to eat.  There would be no way for me to be there and not eat.  So around five, I announced that I was leaving, and when they protested and were subsequently confused that I could still be full, I finally just told them my stomach hurt (which was true) and left. 

You may be thinking, “What’s the big deal?  Just don’t eat if you’re full.”  It’s not that easy to say no when an old lady is glaring at you and talking at you in a language you don’t understand and persistently holding out food to you.  Plus it expected that you would accept something when it’s offered, and I think it’s slightly rude to refuse.  It’s really nice to be offered food, but I wish they could understand that when I say I don’t want anymore, that I am not trying to be modest but that I am given an honest assessment of how I am feeling.