Once again in my life I find myself needing to adjust my concept of productivity and time well-spent.  When I studied abroad in Mexico, this was a big challenge for me. Before then, I had always defined my time by how much I got done, and how many tasks I checked off my to-do list for the day. Everything changed during my time in Mexico because nothing is predictable, and you never get as much done as you want (if you are so naïve to think that you can get a lot done in Mexico!).  Stores are randomly closed throughout the day; if you see people you know it’s expected that you stop and talk with them for a while. There are always delays and it’s something that took me a while to get used to. But once I did, I totally fell in love with the Mexican way of thinking and living: what matters is the moment. Keep an eye on the future but don’t obsess about it. 

China is the same way and it’s something that’s taking me a while to get back into.  Unpredictability is the norm especially living with a host family.  I never know what they have planned for me until the day of, and many times we go out to tea with their friends, and end up sitting for hours and hours. I have no control of where we go or when we leave.  Now I know to always bring my journal or Chinese notebook whenever I go out with them! Still, it can be frustrating after 3, 4, 5 hours of sitting, when I wanted to spend my weekend doing my own things. I like to spend time with my host family but my contribution to any conversation ends after a very short time, whereas they never seem to run out of things to talk about with their friends.  (At least in Mexico if I was out with people for a long time I could converse and meet new people!) I’ve learned that there is no reason why I have to sit with them like a zombie- I usually pull out my notebook and review some Chinese or wander around. I think my host parents understand that I like being with them, I just don’t have much I can say that they will understand. Our conversations are still so limited, even though I technically have learned a lot of Chinese by now. It’s all just small talk though.

                Today we actually went to a really cool place. It’s a departure point for people going rock climbing and backpacking.  Actually have no idea what it was, but we’re call it the jungle adventure place.  It was so beautiful and green!!! We ate at a place down the road.  It was a beautiful place to be, and it was so nice to get out of the city and the humidity! After lunch, we settled down at a table and after short time my attention started to wander and I got restless. There was a lovely creek, and I spent a long time walking through the water and jumping on the boulders like a frog.   I made friends with two little girls also playing in the creek, watched some women play mahjong, lay in a hammock, and took lots of pictures.  I kept wondering when we’d go home, but I also tried to just enjoy all the beauty and the fact that I am done with teaching for now (we just finished teaching at model school, which was the hardest part of training so far! It was so time consuming preparing all the lessons, and a little nerve wracking because I’ve never taught before so that was my first time). 

                I am grateful to have the time today with nothing to do to reflect on my time in China so far.  There’s nothing like sitting in beautiful nature for doing some good thinking!  I have come to the conclusion that I have been taking things to seriously these past few weeks. I just want to make a good impression on the Peace Corps staff and not fall behind in any of the work, but I think I’ve been worrying too much. I’ve broken down and cried in front of other trainees several times now because of model school and Chinese class.  I’m not a nervous wreck, I swear!  That’s pretty unusual for me, actually. Some of the other Peace Corps trainees still don’t understand my sense of humor- I think I come off as being really serious to some people so they totally don’t get when I am being sarcastic or joking (which is most of the time!).  While sitting on the boulders with my feet in the cold water today I realized I need to be happier, and not let things like the humidity and being constantly sweaty get me down so much!  I don’t want to give people the wrong impression of me.  I think because China is so different from anything I’ve ever done before and I’m not a fan of huge cities, maybe I’ve been a little reserved or on edge these past few weeks, and I really want to turn that around in these last few weeks of training before we all split up to our respective sites.

                I’m excited for site placement (we find out our home for the next two years this Thursday-eek!) but also sad because it means I will have to leave my friends.  I came into Peace Corps not knowing anyone and now I have so many good friends and I am not looking forward to having to say goodbye to them. The great thing is that we will be able to visit each other and see new places, and several of us want to travel in Southeast Asia.  Plus there will be trainings and summer projects together to look forward to, but nonetheless, the initial parting will be hard.  My life in China so far has been somewhat isolated and sheltered, and it’s about to get real in a few weeks. I will be on my own, potentially with people who have very little interaction with foreigners.

Me at the jungle adventure place

                All I can do now is think about today. What will come, will come and I know I will be able to handle whatever that is.